Advice Column: The stag party

200px-featherI’m writing this article because I have a big problem in my hands and I hope someone can help me at solving it.

I have been going out with my boyfriend (M) for 5 years now, we were a very happy couple…until last week. On November 3th he went to Madrid for his best friend´s stag night; I already knew that they were celebrating it in a striptease pub, surrounded by gorgeus dancers and all that stuff, but I trusted M, I always did…therefore I didn’t give  importance to it.

He returned the next day and all seemed normal to me, but two days after his return he told me that he had had an affair with a girl he met in Madrid. I could not believe it…after all the time we spent together, after all the plans for the future we had made… It was like a slapon my face.  I started to cry and I told him to leave me alone, ignoring his apologies -“I was a bit drunk” – “It was only a kiss” – “I’m terribly sorry” and I locked myself in the bathroom for almost two hours. It was a terrible confession. I’d never do that to the person I love!

Since then he has been phoning me three or four times every day, but I can’t just forgive him and forget everything… I´m still in love with him and I thought that he felt the same, but I´m not so sure anymore… I want him to understand that I won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour. After all we were planning to get married! I have my heart broken in this moment and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve not spoken to my friends or family because I don’t want to worry them with this, so I’m begging for your help here. Please, I desperately need help.

K. from London


11 thoughts on “Advice Column: The stag party

  1. If I were you, I would try to pull myself together.
    I think that the main thing to get across is if you are able to forget all about that girl and continue the relationship with him like if it had never happened.
    He seems to be sorry about what he had done and if he´s trying to talk to you, I think that he´s feeling remorse for what he had done.
    One way to tackle it might be to have a period of time to think about it and realize if you still love him.
    Think about it!! If you were going to get married, I think that you should try it.

  2. I guess you’re having a hard time.
    You should think about your relationship, on how you get along, if it’s a good one or not. And of course if you’ll be able to feel as you felt before that happened. Take it easy and take your time to think about it. At least he has told you what happened, he could have kept silent about it and that could happen in any other ocassion (even with any other man) so you have to rearrange your view on all of it.

  3. The situation is a bit complicated, but if he phones you three or four times a day, I’m sure that he is very sorry. He regrets having behaved in that way and having betrayed you.

    There’s an Spanish saying which says “You never know when the same thing happen to you” It’s absolutely true! And it’s difficult to assume but if you had been in the same situation, perhaps you would have behaved in the same way.
    You can never tell what you have done in one or another situation, because nobody knows it.

    You should think about his reaction: he has told you the truth!
    Wouldn’t it have been worse if he hadn’t told you what had happened at his friend’s stag party? Imagine you had discovered it by chance and your boyfriend had kept silent.
    If he has confessed you the truth it’s because he’s really regretful.

    Remember that “To err is human, to forgive divine”

    Give him another chance!


  4. Once a man cheats it’s very difficult to trust him again. If you were going to build a life together, it wasn’t the way. He has broken your confident. If you think you couldn’t rely on him, the best thing to do would be to forget him. I’m sure there are many men in the world looking for a girl like you! Good luck!

  5. In first place, if I were you, I’d try to pull myself together, it’s not the end of your life, ins’t it?

    To be clear, I don’t think that just a kiss would split a relationship up.

    Notice if it was really just a kiss or it was something else. Look at his eyes and try to see if his words are trustful and trust the first impression you see coming.

  6. Take a stepback and think carefully about the time that you spent with him. If his affair with the girl happened that night when he had drunk and he confessed it to you, maybe you should rely on him. But, if you discovered another man, quite different than you thought, try to forget him. It’s only time that you need…

  7. If I were you I’d try to remember all the good moments you had had with him, and also the bad moments, if these are more than the good moments, I think that you should try to forget about him and try to be happy on your own, if it is not the case, think about it and about the person you will lose if you stopped the relationship.

  8. When Iwas reading the text I was thinking “Wow, this surely sounds familiar…” and it´s logical, because it was me who wrote this, but I didn´t know it was posted here 😛

    In my oppinion this is something that should not be forgiven easily, after all when you´re engaged you´re supposed to go to the end with your partner…that´s, of course, if you really love her 😦

  9. There’s no point in worrying about a mere affaire. Both are in love and he is very upset.
    The main thing to get across is talk to him face to face, and one way to tackle it might be to pass an other page in your life

  10. We are breaking other’s confidence every day. We do it with our families, at work, and with our friends, but, for some unknown reason, sex is different: We treat sexual affairs differently in comparison with other aspects of our life.
    If he had spent 10000 € in Madrid, the problem would have been bigger, but easier to forget.
    There were some kisses. He is with you, he loves you and you love him. What is the problem?

  11. Dear K.,
    i’m so sorry for you, you must feel such a terrible sadness because of this betrayal, but you know, life it’s too sort
    and you’re a healthy young woman without big problems at work or with your family so come on! pull yourself together,
    let’s forget the past and live today.

    remember, it doesn’t worth the past, be happy because i’m sure you have too many reasons to smile

    i’m looking forward to know about you and your boyfriend

    best wishes


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